Specs.Spirit.Scent.Supplies

One of the days before CHN duty went on full course. Never have i thought that i'd be so stressed this first week in the area plus the upcoming seminar on Saturday (Nov 17).  With only 6 days of preparation, the probability of pulling everything off was NO way KNOWN. 

MIRROR. We were at E.O. waiting for the optometrist to call my name. My grade's 50 for both eyes by the way, with astigmatism. I'm very happy my two house mates from the College of Medicine accompanied me a midst the current exams to study for. I love them. Always.

BOOKSALE. I had Miss Rolin the librarian (clerk) at booksale took this photo for me. I was sitting there in the newly arrived boxes looking at the books with scrutiny. (scripted)

My last two bottles of Zwitsal-my signature cologne. 

SUPPLIES. One thing I cant deny is my natural impulse in buying pens - of different colors. Good thing Nang RJ allowed me to borrow her 48 different non-toxic crayons from Crayola. If my pens empty, i still keep them. 

KOREAN. Not a fan, but this chewies delighted my taste buds.. The little amount left of my tuition did not survive for the week. 

THERE. ano sa English ang kiwi?

I never had that recipe of philosophy for a lifetime, i never formulated a fine one. Just that, only now have i realised how a happy smile can lift me up. 

Halo-Halo at Aling Nida's No Longer the same without YOU!

Not really that of Aling Nilda in one of the stalls at Lapaz Market, Iloilo.
(got this from Google).  all the same, a perfect Filipino delicacy for the Summer Season.

      Last Thursday, or was it? i forgot. No matter. I was walking down Lapaz Market, with second thoughts of going to Booksale for a bit of light reading or JD Restaurant for a hot Lomi snack size, I momentarily paused and stared at the next side of the road, Then I saw Aling Nilda's Halo-Halo stall, and i knew what i wanted.
    My mind swam. 

    I can still remember her smile, her lips inches from her spoon. We had one special order which had barquillos in it, mango tidbits, and macapuno strips. She was smiling. Teasing me because she finds it unusual and a rare occasion for me to spend more than a hundred for a day. She's wrong. If spending meant for food, it goes all the way.  

   I crossed the road, careful not tripping over the swampy sidewalk. The woman, im not sure if she's Aling Nida was crushing a big ice cube and spoon by spoon, her assistant places their colorful ingredients on bowls lining up. The stall was packed today. I can barely ease my way in, and an old aged woman attempted to share the table with me, but maybe the strange angle of my legs suggested an unwelcoming mood, so she went to the other table. I did really want to feel solitary that moment, just so I can think clearly, and well, concentrate on my eating. These days, I have been starving my self, intentionally, yeah, for every student, or at least for me- its normal especially if you wake up past noon and missed breakfast and lunch, and you feel just great because you wont be spending money for two meals, this time, just one. Yet you compensate by buying a special halo-halo. But its worth 35 Php only. That would be enough to satisfy my need to clean my gut. And successfully, I did after going home, that one was explosive.

   This time, i was teasing her. 

  We shared one bowl, since i cannot afford buying two special servings, and she   understands it. That's what I like about her. Very understanding, considerate, gentle and laughter loving. She insisted in having all the mango strips. She took it all away each time i get to scoop them. She really liked seeing me close to annoyance, or when my eye brows meet, and my wrinkles show. But I love her, that's all there ever be even when the last sweetest mango strip melts out of her tongue.

Yeah. i was thinking very deep. My mind was swimming, along with the crushing i did  in the impacted ice of my halo-halo. I ate my leche flan first, and realised how lousily made it is. Never mind. Every spoonful i get was like a memory to me. A memory i can easily reminisce everytime i taste camote, mango, ube, langka, corn kernel and milk.

It has been two months since i broke up with her. I never saw her face again. I summed up all the courage to talk to her, but she drew the words out of my mouth for insisting that i had to tell her this instance, thru a text message. There had been no chance for us to talk, we ended in goodbyes, without personal conversations, without any formality. I begin to wonder if the results i see before my eyes could really justify the courage that i thought i was having in the first place. My fear of confronting my problems didnt make any difference at all, to my assumption-that I'm a coward, that I cannot call myself a man. 

  at the moment when I hear the people beside me chattering and laughing, and i see in their eyes the happiness brought by the sweetness of aling Nida's halo-halo, maybe the crushing i did with my eyes is effective in channeling my emotions down to what i will digest later on, instead of bursting to tears, a sentimental thing that only triggers when no one is watching. And when i get home, i will surely bury myself elsewhere and never move as if I finally met my gravestone. 

Here i am, solitary. Focusing on my studies, staying out of anyone's attention. Covert. Family-oriented. Loveless, but never regretted everyday that I had with dada.

Well, maybe, in the future, I will be stepping in Aling Nida's stall again, no longer alone. Who knows. 

Missing someone

"I love it when you cuddle with someone who is 

cute and smells good, and then later after you've 

said goodbye you can still smell them on your 

clothes."

Tonight I'm starving

Your tons of dreams cannot feed you this instance.  Staying late, with  hyperactive bowel sounds and parasympathetic craving for food. This, is my own hunger game. I am Hungry!

I might be the kind of ordinary-usual-common (in short pathetic) student you ever get crossed the campus, but believe me, the hell I've been messing in the past 2 years, you never gonna let your self trapped in the same position, just because you haven't recollected your reasons to refuse what faith  has prepared for you, or your parents-or relatives.

Okay.. I got bored and was having a runny nose.. and what does a Potterhead do when he's bored.?

ako si Balunggay

Mga toto kag mga inday.
Sa init indi mag sulay-sulay
Kay mga dahon ko nga gahapay-hapay,
Pirdi pa ang inyo nga kasulhay.

Kabalo bala kamo kung sino ako?
Sa kahanginan ako naga disco.
Ako wala gapang tunto
Kag wala bili maskin singko.

Uyon ako sang imo lawas
Sa tiyan indi gid makaluwas
Tungod sa kanamiton sining mga dahon,
Daw matulolo inyu sip-on.

Intsakto ang hambal ni nanay,
nga magkaon sang utan nga balunggay
Ginahanda sa lamesa nga may petchay.
Nagapasadya sa atun panimalay.

Indi kamu magkabalaka.
Kay ako may ara man sang sustansya.
Tungod sg akon nga pagkaberde,
mga sakit inyo mapirde.

Nagapabaskog sang kalawason,
Maskin inyo mga tagipuso-on.
sa sakit indi na maulimpon,
sugod sg nagkapanit sg daw habon.

Ako si Balunggay,
manamit kag puro bitamina.
Gani kamu dali na,
Agud maagum ang kabuhi nga matawhay.

***

--last night i was eating Malunggay (balunggay in hiligaynon), because my conscience tells me to eat healthy, and i remembered something. 
--I hurriedly searched my notes.
--I was in junior highschool when i made this..
and its kind of rush and rash.
My classmates pushed me on a contest where i got to characterise a healthy food. 
--They used a "malong" and malunggay leaves to dress me up. I was  expecting myself to look like a tree, but i turned to be leafy hamper with clothes to dry.Nevertheless, that had been a perfect bonding moment for us, FRIENDS. i remember we won a lot of awards, beating the seniors. 

-- i was  happy for winning and looking somehow delicious. 

Official Handwriting Analysis - Personality Report

i did an online Handwriting Analysis.. and it gave me this...
It doesn't hurt a bit opening some of Johari's Window.. a little of self-awareness now that I'm bound to study
Psychiatric Nursing.:0

 Awareness of the self is necessary in order to establish a trusting relationship with patients. That is why, part of our curriculum is to undergo self awareness exercises to enable the students to share information about their life, express their emotions, their perspectives about things that is within the context of social health. Since, Nursing views the individual holistically,  therefor there is a necessity for the nourishment of the spirit, emotion and social health. This is contrary to  people's belief that health practitioners will only cater their patients' physiologic problems.
This personality profile is based on the writing of Markus Celestial created at the website: Handwriting Wizard.com - Handwriting University's Official automated personality report creator based on standardized basic personality traits as taught through Handwriting University's Certification Level Program.  

Markus uses judgment to make decisions. He is ruled by his head, not his heart. He is a cool, collected person who is usually unexpressive emotionally. Some may see him as unemotional. He does have emotions but has no need to express them. He is withdrawn into himself and enjoys being alone.
The circumstances when Markus does express emotions include: extreme anger, extreme passion, and tremendous stress. If someone gets him mad enough to tell him off, he will not be sorry about it later. He puts a mark in his mind when someone angers him. He keeps track of these marks and when he hits that last mark he will let them know they have gone too far. He is ruled somewhat by self-interest. All his conclusions are made without outside emotional influence. He is very level-headed and will remain calm in an emergency situation. In a situation where other people might get hysterical, he has poise.
Markus will work more efficiently if given space and time to be alone. He would rather not be surrounded by people constantly. In a relationship, he will show his love by the things he does rather than by the things he says. Saying "I love you" is not a needed routine because he feels his mate should already know. The only exception to this is if he has logically concluded that it is best for his mate to hear him express his love verbally.
Markus is not subject to emotional appeals. If someone is selling a product to him, they will need to present only the facts. They should present them from a standpoint of his sound judgment. He will not be taken in by an emotional story about someone else. He will meet emergencies without getting hysterical and he will always ask "Is this best for me?"

People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Markus doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.

Markus will demand respect and will expect others to treat him with honor and dignity. Markus believes in his ideas and will expect other people to also respect them. He has a lot of pride.

Markus will be candid and direct when expressing his opinion. He will tell them what he thinks if they ask for it, whether they like it or not. So, if they don't really want his opinion, don't ask for it!

In reference to Markus's mental abilities, he has a very investigating and creating mind. He investigates projects rapidly because he is curious about many things. He gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but he soon must slow down and look at all the angles. He probably gets too many things going at once. When Markus slows down, then he becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, he must slow down to do it. He then decides what projects he has time to finish. Thus he finishes at a slower pace than when he started the project.

He has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. His mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. He can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Markus can then switch into his low gear. When he is in the slower mode, he can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. He is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.

Markus is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. He needs to visualize the end of a project before he starts. he finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said he plans everything he is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. Markus basically feels good about himself. He has a positive self-esteem which contributes to his success. He feels he has the ability to achieve anything he sets his mind to. However, he sets his goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". He has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, he will not take great risks, as they relate to his goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, his self-perception is better than average.

Markus is very self-sufficient. He is trying not to need anyone. He is capable of making it on his own. He probably wants and enjoys people, but he doesn't "need" them. He can be a loner.

For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Markus has no white space or margins on a typical sheet of paper. Markus fills up every last inch on the top, right, left, and bottom. Hmmm. If this is true, then Markus has a very aggressive personality toward others and quite frankly lacks a bit of respect for the space and property of other people. I would be surprised if Markus just comes into someone's home and helps himself to a drink in the refrigerator. This can be both an obnoxious personality trait and it can be assertive and effective in getting what you want. There isn't much fear of getting in trouble here, Markus finds plenty of reasons to break the rules and get in trouble. (Okay, perhaps when he was younger, not anymore?) Basically, people with no margins are a handful.

No Cloudy Day for me..

"I went home, hoping sanity will possess my body. But no..."

***

3pm in afternoon class about Perception and Coordination, i gagged myself from bursting out my impatience for a 15 minute break. Why can we just Bring it on! 

and Go Home! 1 month, i haven't seen my parents and my siblings. I m afraid that i'll turn into a schizophrenic if i will not see them any soon..

***

"I came home, hoping sanity will possess my body. But no..."

***

The class ended 4:30, with satisfying quiz results, I sprang from my seat, flirted a little with Khinnet and Mayee, and bid farewell to my crush's dead attention..(is there such thing?)

The Jaro Liko Tagbak Terminal jeepney did not show up, consuming the delicate time left there in for me to board the HPQ bus-- the only busline that enters Concepcion. So i rode my broom...

just kidding..

The secrecy of the wizarding world is at stake in that matter.

***

Going Back... my mind is not in its adequate functioning right now.. i really hope i could finish this...

After series of uncozy, and willing offers of the evening's invisible  dusts to powder-coat my face powered by the bus's own law of motion.. I gave in, just so i can reunite with my family- my Mama Connie and Papa Jimmy.

***

My mama got angry with me..

with all the expenses I've cost her..

What i'll do here is some sort of defending myself... 

In everyday that I live in Iloilo City, in every academic battle for learning and being equipped for the future, part of my every day, where i do not consider my self living at all.. only existing! --- is the crisis of financial sickness.. 

***

I published this post before pa, and I examine it for some revisions, and additions that might make it, dapper and spicy.. ohh.. or when grammar alert comes in the way.. Since sometimes, I cannot bang all the ideas to the blog in just one confrontation, I leave it hanging and published until an emotional baggage burdens my back. and some unloading is required. 

its 4am, and later, I will be on duty at OR... and, whilst I increase the risk of my tanga-tanga sa hangin and lost-lost drama karun, i will try to finish what I started.

***

8th Feb@Bed

Sacrifices come Success..

I believe in that, although, I am most utterly bewildered on my own concept of Success. 

Everything keeps improving, there is continuous growth of curiosity and increasing standards of satisfaction.. You can never know what you want.. or never get to choose because of what you don't have...

If you a have a 20 Philippine Peso... What shall you do?

a. Buy soda (Coca Cola) worth 16 peso for large.

b. Buy two crispy Dumangas bread for 7 peso each.

c. Keep the money and reserved for tomorrow's expenses.

The condition is lacking.. I forgot to say I'm hungry.

I do this three choices often... 

A and B tells you, how important it is for me to attend my hunger.

Coke signifies satisfaction. Bread signifies nourishment and  keeping the money is my own way of preparing for the future, even though im hungry..now that is sacrifice.

***

Now, my typical cityhood life is with these three: SNS

Satisfaction

Nourishment

Sacrifice

Satisfaction, can either way be stated as Contentment, because satisfaction denotes different connotation to every reader.

My SATiSFACTION aspect consists

•  my academic pursuit for excellence and learning
•  my own fulfillment for receiving remarks and performing good at school.
•  the improvement of my craft
•  and alliance to the friends and families.

My NOURiSHMENT aspect consists

• mostly desire to be healthy. (Just last Uweek, i proved that I'm not because I was not accepted for blood donation)
• to meet my esteem needs
• the nourishment of my spiritual and emotional health. (random, whatever comes out of my mind)

My SACRiFiCE aspect consists

• staying in the city, cant barely go home.
• missing your family
• missing your siblings
• conserving your money for tomorrow or till the allowance day
• eating twice a day because thrice will be an expense
• staying in with a nocturnal animal.. (not now!)
• studying every night.
• etc.

***

Why am i putting it all in here?

today, its 11th of Feb, and the post was 6 days ago. oh yeah!

If you know me already, you never have to think twice about blaming it on school loads.

I am a student nurse, genetically-modified-by-experience-to stay up late and ignore the luxury of sleep a comfortable bed can offer.

I still remember the carefree days of highschool, and now i can hardly swallow the overwhelming transformation college have imposed on me. Most of them are good, and im happy knowing people with beautiful souls, who influenced me greatly and contributed to my personality development. For me, everyday is soul-searching.
Trying to look for fragments that will complete my whole being. Meeting people along the way, learning things of immense value, knowing ideas from fewer great minds and identifying sensibility in the impaired.


 I began to wander what my past life was.. if ever that is true...  If i was liberated like  pigeon, or keen as a meerkat. 
(Now im starting to think outside of the box)
***

when i arrived at Iloilo City way back in 2009, every scenery i see , reminds me of how promising my college life is going to be, and i kept that thought just until i discovered the horrors of living in the same room with a nocturnal animal .. (forgive my brutality)