Forgive my grammar, ignore the spelling. For God's sake just shut your lobes after reading this!
~Markus
31st Jan 2012
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when i work on something, every melody of any music is a nuissance. I cant concentrate.Now im an opportunistic macroorganism trying to seize the silence that clouds me. My writing nowadays is bad. I cant grasp the meaning of every sentence nor can I transfer them to my notes unless i read it back again, loudly.
now the above thing i wrote/type is just a warm up for something i commit myself to write tonight. I couldn’t make a sound judgment right no.. perhaps i Should doze off.
now the above thing i wrote/type is just a warm up for something i commit myself to write tonight. I couldn’t make a sound judgment right no.. perhaps i Should doze off.
17th Feb 2012
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Every night is accompanied by glucose depleting requirements, some topics to study, clothes to wash, room to clean (OC ko daad) and alas there is Facebook to break the monotony. You want to hear how im pissed off with somebody, outside the corridors, strumming his guitar with heavy and hard hands, not to mention how calloused his finger tips are. Okay., I understand this outlet system of emotions, people do this.. but for G sake, not in the unholy hours, where people needed sleep. Just this minute, he stopped as a company approaches the place he is in. They talked, blown their cigarettes sticks. I was half hoping their lungs would give in, but that is too evil. Evil it may seem to be, but those creatures hurt my feelings before. I didn’t forgive them, but my ego tells me to forget what they did, and the sins come along. So I stop thinking twice, and half-hoped again. Now my pisstivity level is really rising. With the intonation of their voices they are possibly talking about someone, someone they loath or found very interesting topic for their midnight chatting. Its not me im sure of it. These few months, I was not paying attention to them.. I just think that I have my own place, it may seem that im pretending not to exixt at all. Well, it is always fine for me. Why bother, talking or making friends with people who exalt their selves all of the time.Just let me freak out once. AHHHHHHHHHH!
19th Feb 2012
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This page doesn't look like a daily diary to me. It is a clear puzzle why i named it Daily Digit. All the oddities in his blog is noticeable but unpredictable. haha!Okay.. I explored just this minute about tumblr, and it complicates my evening, um, morning. So, i resort in making this page.Enaff! My cousin Averil Ives passed this 2011 December NLE. 2nd nurse in the family, i really hope I will too in my time.. I struggled a lot, and it is fitting to pass, or best to topnotch the board exam. This is an ambition, every graduate of WVSU-CON carry with them, as they take their exams. Goodbye now. I need to sleep. JS prom is nearing. I got loads of requirements (research, my OR Nursing Process, etc.). I deserve a demigod-like mutation after i surpass this.. Still procrastinating and not proud of it. 27th Feb 2012 "Something that I want, Something that i tell my self i need"
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i dont know if i really should be delaying my requirements to be passed later,just to check on this just because one thing kept me away from continuing my journal reading: my boo.I will be calling that person my boo from now on. tonight i couldn't accept the fact that I can never have everything that I want. I was toilet trained properly, i delayed my gratification several times already (in the factor of success not sex), but when can I have that person i craved to much, making me dream in broad daylight. 3rd March 2011 "I am Failing"
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i know you will never have that slightest question in your head when you see me talking to myself as i walk, you may conclude that I'm a bit of schizophrenic. The DSM-IV TR speaks the criteria, however i differ in some ways. Right now, im proud to be a little schizotypal.
Every night ive been talking to myself, alone in my bed. Mentioning the words concealed by my inadequacies in self expression and confidence. All my life i battled the fear of being rejected, and somehow, i've improved knowing a group of people who listened to me, even in the most insensible part of conversations.
when i plan or like to form serious conversation with someone or when the spontaneity of situations are inevitable, i had my self construct a framework of explanations or ideas that are interconnected and somewhat memorised, so that i will never be caught off sleeve or embarrassed. Seriously, my esteem is fluctuating, you should never mess with it. 16th March2012 "Stupidity Knocks"
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i do not know why i felt drowning in my own breath seeing my crush talking to somebody.. I have that urge to intrude the little talk and snap the air out of him and bang the words, "Back off, i do Not want you drooling over what's MINE!"ive got that wanting, that owning tendency towards someone who makes me lay in bed for 5 hours without sleeping, just dreaming with my lids open. . .
21st March 2012 "not in speaking terms"
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right now, the only assurance i have is that, i am totally aware of the attitudes of my group mates. These past few days, my patience was tested, but i don't know for some unknown reason it extends its length. i was lucky sparing a bit of happy thoughts.now, this is one of the things that life can teach you-things that you might learn in a school setting but never or no one in any academic activity,that is adaptation and adjustment.
26th March 2012 "Alone"
_________________________________________________________________________You know. I always walk, coz it the only time when ideas form in my head. 2nd April 2012
Happy Birthday Afrel!
I think one of the very best things that might happen after a break up, is being friends with your ex. or, or possibly closer like being best friends. Its a good inspiration. I remembered Julia Robert's movie, My Best Friend's Wedding by this. But the idea of my ex gf/bestfriend ruining my wedding is big no no.
13th April 2012
_________________________________________________________________________i was really angered by the news that my CI lost my NP and journal reading article. Now I have to get back to school and orally discuss to her my patients condition before. HEELLLO??that was like months ago, and luck couldn't favor me this time because i took all the memories of my last rotation to trash before i went home! and that means all my drafts and NCPs and schematic diagrams i've thrown away. I should've really kept them since i already had the dreadful feeling that somethings going to happen with my output. If only had i trusted my seer instincts. I can really feel my pisstivity level rising right now!!!im very happy that my tita's went home to Concepcion. My father's siblings were completed once again, and well, we celebrated thanksgiving along with Inday Ave's. The missing output spoiled my happiness. The happiness of holding a DSLR my tita brought, practicing my photography skills choss, and trying to find some journalistic features out of the things i capture. choosss.! and well, some vain episodes gets in the way. Now my tita who came home from Iran, the mother of Hatem, my very bright cousin mixed with Persian blood brought me a cellphone. this i think is the best summer vacation ever. We went to Sandbar again, celebrations here and there, new people to meet, long periods of sleep, no summer classes. whatta Life. Im starting to think i feel a little additional weight now. well, byeyebeyebe!
10th May 2012
_________________________________________________________________________I really do not understand myself sometimes. Sometimes I do.But here is what i absorbed after many minutes of contemplating while washing my clothes. Luckily i have not wounded my fingers by bleaching, stirring , scrubbing as channel for my emotions. The fact is that. I can be awfully paranoid sometimes. Even my classmate KRiss notices that. About everything- my grades, the people around that i fear are stabbing me with words my ears intentionally cannot catch. No matter how hard I try to make my self comfortable with the fact that i can be who i am. i can be someone, and im over the point of caring- some thing just tell me that maybe displaying a funny topic out of myself. That people could get a wrong impression to what i do, especially when I get so attached to a certain situation where i am heard, where i can speak and show them my life and impart my ideas. My confidence is really fluctuating and my esteem as well. I cant afford to stand in an occasion. Even though my conscience tells me to be humble, simple, modest, there is still that yearning to get appreciated, to get admired or being applauded by the people around you. SOmetimes, i think im full of myself, that i get so indulged with a minimal attention and get so high, and make a fool of myself for thinking that people will listen to you, or hear you the least. Well, thinking over what's best for me, and to save me from the possibility of a psychiatric disorder, my solution is really to stay humid. To stay simple. Or calm. Continue to do what i feel or what i do best, and allow people to discover it in their own. But i will still keep thinking that Im special! That i was created and blessed with a space to occupy here in this world, but there's no way Imma treat people as if they're ordinary. From now on, i will keep looking after myself and my loved ones. Get closer to the ones who care, and others will just come and waiting isn't required. ohh... Im gonna sleep now.. zZZZ!
30th May 2012
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Hello Daily Digits.Its quite ironic because i don't put my entries here in a daily basis.I'm sorry i think I'll need to abandon this page and relocate my surges to another blog i made, uhm, my friend actually. I'm still trying to figure out what i'm going to do with my life right now. Everyday I seem so battle-worn.
