Specs.Spirit.Scent.Supplies

One of the days before CHN duty went on full course. Never have i thought that i'd be so stressed this first week in the area plus the upcoming seminar on Saturday (Nov 17).  With only 6 days of preparation, the probability of pulling everything off was NO way KNOWN. 

MIRROR. We were at E.O. waiting for the optometrist to call my name. My grade's 50 for both eyes by the way, with astigmatism. I'm very happy my two house mates from the College of Medicine accompanied me a midst the current exams to study for. I love them. Always.

BOOKSALE. I had Miss Rolin the librarian (clerk) at booksale took this photo for me. I was sitting there in the newly arrived boxes looking at the books with scrutiny. (scripted)

My last two bottles of Zwitsal-my signature cologne. 

SUPPLIES. One thing I cant deny is my natural impulse in buying pens - of different colors. Good thing Nang RJ allowed me to borrow her 48 different non-toxic crayons from Crayola. If my pens empty, i still keep them. 

KOREAN. Not a fan, but this chewies delighted my taste buds.. The little amount left of my tuition did not survive for the week. 

THERE. ano sa English ang kiwi?

Friends

Bethany, Pia May,  and Praise

The ladies from Duenas (dwen-yas). Being with them is exhausting to the pocket and fun to the heart.

"Matulokay duman ta ni bag-o matapos ang semana," says Pia.

"Kulang lang ko thirty Mark, bwas lang." says Betha.

"Please, pwede kapalihog sang Heaven's Torte."  requests Praise.

"Sin-o nga ati matuwad?" 

One Boring Night in the Hospital

I seriously admit, we hadn't been feeling very well because of the combined desperation to gain scores in the hospital plus the-day-before's lost battle (failure), that means we practically allowed the 400 Php + float away. 

Nevertheless.

I'm loving Disney. Its a magnanimous part of my childhood. In tapes and cds we watched Disney films, we virtually aren't deprived of entertainment appropriate our age. A Whole New World is my favorite, and among the duet songs i am very esteemed to sing. haha. I find it very viral. It never misses a repetition once i sing it during class/duty hours. 

And I forgot to tell you. We completed our scores already.

Halo-Halo at Aling Nida's No Longer the same without YOU!

Not really that of Aling Nilda in one of the stalls at Lapaz Market, Iloilo.
(got this from Google).  all the same, a perfect Filipino delicacy for the Summer Season.

      Last Thursday, or was it? i forgot. No matter. I was walking down Lapaz Market, with second thoughts of going to Booksale for a bit of light reading or JD Restaurant for a hot Lomi snack size, I momentarily paused and stared at the next side of the road, Then I saw Aling Nilda's Halo-Halo stall, and i knew what i wanted.
    My mind swam. 

    I can still remember her smile, her lips inches from her spoon. We had one special order which had barquillos in it, mango tidbits, and macapuno strips. She was smiling. Teasing me because she finds it unusual and a rare occasion for me to spend more than a hundred for a day. She's wrong. If spending meant for food, it goes all the way.  

   I crossed the road, careful not tripping over the swampy sidewalk. The woman, im not sure if she's Aling Nida was crushing a big ice cube and spoon by spoon, her assistant places their colorful ingredients on bowls lining up. The stall was packed today. I can barely ease my way in, and an old aged woman attempted to share the table with me, but maybe the strange angle of my legs suggested an unwelcoming mood, so she went to the other table. I did really want to feel solitary that moment, just so I can think clearly, and well, concentrate on my eating. These days, I have been starving my self, intentionally, yeah, for every student, or at least for me- its normal especially if you wake up past noon and missed breakfast and lunch, and you feel just great because you wont be spending money for two meals, this time, just one. Yet you compensate by buying a special halo-halo. But its worth 35 Php only. That would be enough to satisfy my need to clean my gut. And successfully, I did after going home, that one was explosive.

   This time, i was teasing her. 

  We shared one bowl, since i cannot afford buying two special servings, and she   understands it. That's what I like about her. Very understanding, considerate, gentle and laughter loving. She insisted in having all the mango strips. She took it all away each time i get to scoop them. She really liked seeing me close to annoyance, or when my eye brows meet, and my wrinkles show. But I love her, that's all there ever be even when the last sweetest mango strip melts out of her tongue.

Yeah. i was thinking very deep. My mind was swimming, along with the crushing i did  in the impacted ice of my halo-halo. I ate my leche flan first, and realised how lousily made it is. Never mind. Every spoonful i get was like a memory to me. A memory i can easily reminisce everytime i taste camote, mango, ube, langka, corn kernel and milk.

It has been two months since i broke up with her. I never saw her face again. I summed up all the courage to talk to her, but she drew the words out of my mouth for insisting that i had to tell her this instance, thru a text message. There had been no chance for us to talk, we ended in goodbyes, without personal conversations, without any formality. I begin to wonder if the results i see before my eyes could really justify the courage that i thought i was having in the first place. My fear of confronting my problems didnt make any difference at all, to my assumption-that I'm a coward, that I cannot call myself a man. 

  at the moment when I hear the people beside me chattering and laughing, and i see in their eyes the happiness brought by the sweetness of aling Nida's halo-halo, maybe the crushing i did with my eyes is effective in channeling my emotions down to what i will digest later on, instead of bursting to tears, a sentimental thing that only triggers when no one is watching. And when i get home, i will surely bury myself elsewhere and never move as if I finally met my gravestone. 

Here i am, solitary. Focusing on my studies, staying out of anyone's attention. Covert. Family-oriented. Loveless, but never regretted everyday that I had with dada.

Well, maybe, in the future, I will be stepping in Aling Nida's stall again, no longer alone. Who knows. 

indi kami tamad

Pia May (the Gardener's wife), Grelyn (the Grayscale), Garrett (the Chest tube sensation),
Adrian (the Reposition man), me (the Wizard) and Sheena (the Goddess kuno).

I really don't know how these people ended up together neither to how am i going to spend my entire research  experience with them (since we will be conducting our study at our town). Right now, i shouldn't really dwell much about my feelings, but surely, life with these feces, um, i mean faces is fun? okay! No joke!!!

They are my research teammates who happened also to be my group mates in clinical exposures. 

These days I have been psychologically and physically occupied by research works! i have been cursing the idea that I haven't had any background about research. We're not taught in high school. I'm tired of condemnation, so i chose to blame myself.

 After all it will be a learning experience with all the pressure and panicky vibes in the batch, and the hours of rummaging the published theses in the library, its quite overwhelming and challenging. So,I hope the  effort we spent on our work could bring us all to approval of the study. Best of luck. 

Im also overwhelmed with my parents support.With all the statistical gathering they conducted at our local health unit, just to complete the background of our study. I never had the chance to get back to Concepcion since January because all the clinical rotations, paper works and additional minor subject requirements are obviously queuing, piling my day and thinning my body . Surprisingly, Im down to one last- Research. 

And I really hope that i am on my way to Level 4. 

****

I am honestly in love with these people, regardless of their height, color, attitude, preference, race, knowledge and economic status. 

Tonight I'm starving

Your tons of dreams cannot feed you this instance.  Staying late, with  hyperactive bowel sounds and parasympathetic craving for food. This, is my own hunger game. I am Hungry!

I might be the kind of ordinary-usual-common (in short pathetic) student you ever get crossed the campus, but believe me, the hell I've been messing in the past 2 years, you never gonna let your self trapped in the same position, just because you haven't recollected your reasons to refuse what faith  has prepared for you, or your parents-or relatives.

Personality Disorder Test

Personality Disorder Test Results Paranoid |||||||||||||||| 62% Schizoid |||||||||||||||||| 74% Schizotypal |||||||||||||||| 66% Antisocial |||||||||||||| 58% Borderline |||||||||||||| 58% Histrionic |||||||||||| 42% Narcissistic |||||||||||||| 58% Avoidant |||||||||||| 42% Dependent |||||||||||||||| 62% Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||||||||| 70%

Take Free Personality Disorder Test
Personality Test by SimilarMinds.com

*scores in gray are the average web score 

Test Note: Read the descriptions below to avoid misinterpreting test results (for example, the Antisocial classification does not mean you are a loner, it means you tend to be insensitive towards others).

General Note: the validity and reliability of personality disorders are still lacking in strong statistical evidence and clear agreement in the scientific and medical community.

Author Note:I don't think Schizoid personality is a valid disorder (read), some of the smartest people in history were schizoid because they occupied a remote end of the intelligence bell curve. Schizotypal personality can encompass highly original thinkers as well as totally insane people so I think it's a flawed type. I think the remaining eight disorders are generally valid.

Disorder Info

Eccentric Personality Disorders: Paranoid, Schizoid, Schizotypal 

Individuals with these disorders often appear odd or peculiar.

Paranoid Personality Disorder - individual generally tends to interpret the actions of others as threatening.

Schizoid Personality Disorder - individual generally detached from social relationships, and shows a narrow range of emotional expression in various social settings.

Schizotypal Personality Disorder - individual is uncomfortable in close relationships, has thought or perceptual distortions, and peculiarities of behavior.

Dramatic Personality Disorders: Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic, and Narcissistic 

Individuals with these disorders have intense, unstable emotions, distorted self-perception, and/or behavioral impulsiveness.

Antisocial Personality Disorder - individual shows a pervasive disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others.

Borderline Personality Disorder - individual shows a generalized pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and observable emotions, and significant impulsiveness.

Histrionic Personality Disorder - individual often displays excessive emotionality and attention seeking in various contexts. They tend to overreact to other people, and are often perceived as shallow and self-centered.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder - individual has a grandiose view of themselves, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy that begins by early adulthood and is present in various situations. These individuals are very demanding in their relationships.

Anxious Personality Disorders: Avoidant, Dependent, Obsessive-Compulsive 

Individuals with these disorders often appear anxious or fearful.

Avoidant Personality Disorder - individual is socially inhibited, feels inadequate, and is oversensitive to criticism

Dependent Personality Disorder - individual shows an extreme need to be taken care of that leads to fears of separation, and passive and clinging behavior.

Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder - individual is preoccupied with orderliness, perfectionism, and control at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency. 

***

This is fairly an absolute confirmation to my assumptions..

But i believe this is not totally accurate. You will be very aware of my desperate actions on knowing myself. Undertaking online psychology test and evaluations, is already a big contributing factor to self determination.

I admit i act weird sometimes. You can find me speaking to you in some foreign accent, or put some non suitable ideas in a conversation (esp magic) . But that is who i am, and I never regret being recognised thru that. 

I think i will be putting all my self-digested ideas here, for a matter of self awareness and memory keeping. 

Official Handwriting Analysis - Personality Report

i did an online Handwriting Analysis.. and it gave me this...
It doesn't hurt a bit opening some of Johari's Window.. a little of self-awareness now that I'm bound to study
Psychiatric Nursing.:0

 Awareness of the self is necessary in order to establish a trusting relationship with patients. That is why, part of our curriculum is to undergo self awareness exercises to enable the students to share information about their life, express their emotions, their perspectives about things that is within the context of social health. Since, Nursing views the individual holistically,  therefor there is a necessity for the nourishment of the spirit, emotion and social health. This is contrary to  people's belief that health practitioners will only cater their patients' physiologic problems.
This personality profile is based on the writing of Markus Celestial created at the website: Handwriting Wizard.com - Handwriting University's Official automated personality report creator based on standardized basic personality traits as taught through Handwriting University's Certification Level Program.  

Markus uses judgment to make decisions. He is ruled by his head, not his heart. He is a cool, collected person who is usually unexpressive emotionally. Some may see him as unemotional. He does have emotions but has no need to express them. He is withdrawn into himself and enjoys being alone.
The circumstances when Markus does express emotions include: extreme anger, extreme passion, and tremendous stress. If someone gets him mad enough to tell him off, he will not be sorry about it later. He puts a mark in his mind when someone angers him. He keeps track of these marks and when he hits that last mark he will let them know they have gone too far. He is ruled somewhat by self-interest. All his conclusions are made without outside emotional influence. He is very level-headed and will remain calm in an emergency situation. In a situation where other people might get hysterical, he has poise.
Markus will work more efficiently if given space and time to be alone. He would rather not be surrounded by people constantly. In a relationship, he will show his love by the things he does rather than by the things he says. Saying "I love you" is not a needed routine because he feels his mate should already know. The only exception to this is if he has logically concluded that it is best for his mate to hear him express his love verbally.
Markus is not subject to emotional appeals. If someone is selling a product to him, they will need to present only the facts. They should present them from a standpoint of his sound judgment. He will not be taken in by an emotional story about someone else. He will meet emergencies without getting hysterical and he will always ask "Is this best for me?"

People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Markus doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.

Markus will demand respect and will expect others to treat him with honor and dignity. Markus believes in his ideas and will expect other people to also respect them. He has a lot of pride.

Markus will be candid and direct when expressing his opinion. He will tell them what he thinks if they ask for it, whether they like it or not. So, if they don't really want his opinion, don't ask for it!

In reference to Markus's mental abilities, he has a very investigating and creating mind. He investigates projects rapidly because he is curious about many things. He gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but he soon must slow down and look at all the angles. He probably gets too many things going at once. When Markus slows down, then he becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, he must slow down to do it. He then decides what projects he has time to finish. Thus he finishes at a slower pace than when he started the project.

He has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. His mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. He can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Markus can then switch into his low gear. When he is in the slower mode, he can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. He is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.

Markus is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. He needs to visualize the end of a project before he starts. he finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said he plans everything he is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. Markus basically feels good about himself. He has a positive self-esteem which contributes to his success. He feels he has the ability to achieve anything he sets his mind to. However, he sets his goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". He has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, he will not take great risks, as they relate to his goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, his self-perception is better than average.

Markus is very self-sufficient. He is trying not to need anyone. He is capable of making it on his own. He probably wants and enjoys people, but he doesn't "need" them. He can be a loner.

For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Markus has no white space or margins on a typical sheet of paper. Markus fills up every last inch on the top, right, left, and bottom. Hmmm. If this is true, then Markus has a very aggressive personality toward others and quite frankly lacks a bit of respect for the space and property of other people. I would be surprised if Markus just comes into someone's home and helps himself to a drink in the refrigerator. This can be both an obnoxious personality trait and it can be assertive and effective in getting what you want. There isn't much fear of getting in trouble here, Markus finds plenty of reasons to break the rules and get in trouble. (Okay, perhaps when he was younger, not anymore?) Basically, people with no margins are a handful.