Halo-Halo at Aling Nida's No Longer the same without YOU!

Not really that of Aling Nilda in one of the stalls at Lapaz Market, Iloilo.
(got this from Google).  all the same, a perfect Filipino delicacy for the Summer Season.

      Last Thursday, or was it? i forgot. No matter. I was walking down Lapaz Market, with second thoughts of going to Booksale for a bit of light reading or JD Restaurant for a hot Lomi snack size, I momentarily paused and stared at the next side of the road, Then I saw Aling Nilda's Halo-Halo stall, and i knew what i wanted.
    My mind swam. 

    I can still remember her smile, her lips inches from her spoon. We had one special order which had barquillos in it, mango tidbits, and macapuno strips. She was smiling. Teasing me because she finds it unusual and a rare occasion for me to spend more than a hundred for a day. She's wrong. If spending meant for food, it goes all the way.  

   I crossed the road, careful not tripping over the swampy sidewalk. The woman, im not sure if she's Aling Nida was crushing a big ice cube and spoon by spoon, her assistant places their colorful ingredients on bowls lining up. The stall was packed today. I can barely ease my way in, and an old aged woman attempted to share the table with me, but maybe the strange angle of my legs suggested an unwelcoming mood, so she went to the other table. I did really want to feel solitary that moment, just so I can think clearly, and well, concentrate on my eating. These days, I have been starving my self, intentionally, yeah, for every student, or at least for me- its normal especially if you wake up past noon and missed breakfast and lunch, and you feel just great because you wont be spending money for two meals, this time, just one. Yet you compensate by buying a special halo-halo. But its worth 35 Php only. That would be enough to satisfy my need to clean my gut. And successfully, I did after going home, that one was explosive.

   This time, i was teasing her. 

  We shared one bowl, since i cannot afford buying two special servings, and she   understands it. That's what I like about her. Very understanding, considerate, gentle and laughter loving. She insisted in having all the mango strips. She took it all away each time i get to scoop them. She really liked seeing me close to annoyance, or when my eye brows meet, and my wrinkles show. But I love her, that's all there ever be even when the last sweetest mango strip melts out of her tongue.

Yeah. i was thinking very deep. My mind was swimming, along with the crushing i did  in the impacted ice of my halo-halo. I ate my leche flan first, and realised how lousily made it is. Never mind. Every spoonful i get was like a memory to me. A memory i can easily reminisce everytime i taste camote, mango, ube, langka, corn kernel and milk.

It has been two months since i broke up with her. I never saw her face again. I summed up all the courage to talk to her, but she drew the words out of my mouth for insisting that i had to tell her this instance, thru a text message. There had been no chance for us to talk, we ended in goodbyes, without personal conversations, without any formality. I begin to wonder if the results i see before my eyes could really justify the courage that i thought i was having in the first place. My fear of confronting my problems didnt make any difference at all, to my assumption-that I'm a coward, that I cannot call myself a man. 

  at the moment when I hear the people beside me chattering and laughing, and i see in their eyes the happiness brought by the sweetness of aling Nida's halo-halo, maybe the crushing i did with my eyes is effective in channeling my emotions down to what i will digest later on, instead of bursting to tears, a sentimental thing that only triggers when no one is watching. And when i get home, i will surely bury myself elsewhere and never move as if I finally met my gravestone. 

Here i am, solitary. Focusing on my studies, staying out of anyone's attention. Covert. Family-oriented. Loveless, but never regretted everyday that I had with dada.

Well, maybe, in the future, I will be stepping in Aling Nida's stall again, no longer alone. Who knows.